"I Really Want To Be A Girl"

Ever since i can remember I have been interested in female clothing and female things. I was never able to show it much because I was afraid my family would disown me. I use to hang out with my cousins and they were both female, and my age we are all just weeks apart, and they always got these cute clothes or girly things that i wanted but couldn't have because I am not a girl. When they got older I use to steal their bras and panties and sometimes other clothes or sometimes they would leave some clothes at the house when they stayed the night and i would put them on and pretend to be a girl. I was cought a couple times wearing my moms bra, or my cousins, the use to keep asking what was wrong with me, and I kept saying I dont know because I didnt I just have always found bras and panties to be very comforting as well as other girl clothing, and they are cute and fun. I have tried to fight it and deny it because society doesn't accept it and i didnt want to let my family down. So I got into sports and working out to try and stop, I got really into that and started working out everday and being in sports and became very active and I still am, but even then I would find myself wanting to be a girl, seeing girls in the hall at school or the clothes they were wearing i wanted to be like them and be beautiful. So I started buying my own bras and panties and I have been tempted to buy complete outfits but my family still doesnt know. So I would wear them on my own time and enjoy it. Then I started realizing that I really want to be a girl, and I wanted to talk about it with someone so I told a very close female friend of mine and she thought I was wierd and stopped talking to me. Then I decided not to tell anyone and the end of my sophomore year I started dating this girl and it was going great, but i didnt tell her for about a year then I realized I love her and could'nt lie to her so I told her. She was shocked because I was so good at not showing it, but she stayed with me and is very supportive and is trying to get use to it and then maybe we can have fun with it. So I started wearing bras and panties a little more and things were great. Then this year, my senior year I decided to tell this close friend of mine and she is very open and accepting so I thougtht I could tell her and I have told a total of 5 female friends and they all support me and say its ok if I want to wear girls clothes, but only one knows that I really want to be a girl. So I asked her if she could help me accept my feminine side and embrace it. She has and she has given me great girls advice and we even had our first girls night about a week after graduation and she went lingere shopping with me and it was really fun, but it wasn't until I was talking to her about it and her asking questions that I started realizing that I really want to be a girl, but I am not like other transgender girls, I am not interested in guys at all! I guess thats because I spent my whole being a guy, because I couldn't be a girl so I figgured I better be one hell of a man, but even now I am 19 years old and known as one of the more active guys in my group of friends and I have many friends, and only one female friend who really knows that I want to be a girl. So I have been buying my own bras and panties and every night from work I come home shower and change into a bra and panties and hide them under my gym shorts and t-shirts. When I am home alone I like to wear a tank top and show off my bra and feel proud it feels great I love wearing bras and panties, and I would dress up as a girl and I want to live as a girl but I want to date girls. I dont know if this makes sense but I am like a lesbian in my head, because I want to dress as a girl, act like a girl and be a girl and do girl things, but I want to date girls and someday marry a wounderful girl, hopefully someday this girl I am with now and yes its the same one I told about me wearing bras and panties a little over two years ago and we are still together and doing great. I just want people to talk to who understand me so I can explain to her and so I can get advice from people who are willing and open and will talk to me and help me and I found this website so anyone who wants to I would love to talk to you and get advice. Thank you and thats my story.